I want to be fierce like the saleswoman when I'm older. I am starting today.

A woman bribes me with a free SJP umbrella to buy Paul Smith perfume and sample Stella McCartney

Names do not worry me – you're laughing – but
packaging is everything. And how to reconcile
a love for umbrellas with the fate of the planet.

I smell now like a tart's handbag and am considering
bathing in the luxury of petals it would take me
years to grow. I can hear my mother. I can't tell

whether she's delighted or not but either way
I am powerless in the hands of a saleswoman
who smiles just like her and expects, just like her, a yes.